I get a lot of clients wanting to know why they are thinking about a past love so much.
- Miss them?
- Want to know if they are thinking about you?
- Do they miss you, as well?
The feelings tear at you, day and night. You hate being alone. It’s that horrible feeling in your gut. It just won’t go away. You’re missing someone and can almost feel their soul pulling you through space and time. Part of you wants to give in, it’ll be easier that way, yet giving in isn’t an option. They’re gone, and gone they will stay.Most of the pain we feel surrounding a breakup is centered around a singular belief: there is only one special person for us. No one will be as wonderful, as beautiful, as charming, as interesting. You can’t imagine anyone making you feel as good or as loved. Maybe you should reach out and make contact, see if things can be reignited? But no, the fear of that other person having moved on and being happy without you is too great. If you’re lonely, you hope they are, too.The truth is, we all feel that way after a breakup and sometimes even after a rejection from someone we admire. Somewhere in your psyche you have made up your mind that this person is the end-all, be-all of love. This feeling can go on for months, even years after the triggering event. Sometimes there are good days and sometimes there are bad days.Just because you miss someone, does not mean they have to be back in your life. Because you think about them, because you miss them, because you desire them, does not mean you need them back in your life.The emotions of disconnecting from a relationship are usually very raw and intense. Missing someone, especially if you were highly emotionally entangled with shared energy and intensity will be painful, rough and charged with grief, pain and loss. The solution lies within experiencing these very human emotions as they occur, not in trying to bring the person back into your life.The value of your own self-esteem, human emotions and patience assist you in honoring feelings you have as a person, even if they are painful. Honor the process of loss, grief and healing. So, if you’re missing someone right now, stop and imagine being in a group with five other people. Each of these people has a quality you admire and has it in spades compared to the one you’re missing. He’s more handsome. She’s smarter. He speaks lovingly. She makes you laugh. And bonus, they’re all interested in you. Remind yourself of this scene whenever you start feeling yourself dwelling on your past relationship and partner. There are other people out there, you just need to believe that they exist. And when you truly believe it, that’s when they start to appear.