Smoothing Over the Bumps in Your Relationship

Understanding Important Differences between Men & Women

Has your partner ever said something that made you stop and wonder if they just landed from Pluto?  You are not alone!

I’ve recently been reading that researchers’ first big news lately is that what women want today and tomorrow is driven primarily by ancient DNA from their female ancestors who lived over the past millions of years. And it is true for women in all cultures and countries.

Women are DNA-wired to develop good relationships. These are not just good relationships with a partner but with everyone. They do it for survival, and that comes from their millions of female ancestors who lived in a very different type of world. Men, surprise, surprise, are very different.

Men’s ancestral DNA wiring is for survival and based on a need for being dominant in their group. Men’s bodies prepare for domineering and competing by building lots of muscles and making testosterone, the hormone that makes men lean and mean. Men compete for status.

Women think about the relationship. A man’s status is always on his mind consciously or unconsciously because his ancestors’ survival frequently depended on being the strongest and most dominant. That need for dominance is still in men’s genes. How men express their need for high status today depends on how civilized and socialized they are through upbringing and training. Men think status is important but women think a good relationship is more important. That is a big difference between men and women.

How do you have a loving, warm committed relationship with these differences? How do you smooth over the bumps that are caused by these differences? Try these three time tested solutions.

1.Understand the Differences.
Understand that women are not wired like men nor men like women. Better get used to it and then learn what is important to them. Understanding this basic fact will greatly improve your relationship, communication, pleasure, and appreciation for every one of the opposite sex you meet.

Women can understand immediately that the guy across the table is not the best conversationalist and is not as interested as she might be in conversation or a committed relationship…..at least not at this time. Men can save a lot of wasted energy, time, and money trying to get what they want by trying to side step the relationship or even pretending they care about one.  As always, understanding the basic differences couple with communication can keep a partnership rolling along smoothly.

2.Slow Down
The differences are easier to manage and control when men and women walk down the old fashioned path of dating, courting and finding a partner or relationship.  It sets a solid foundation for the long term. It is the process of two people joining in activities in order to get to know each other better and to get closer physically and emotionally. If this does not happen, then the innate differences are harder to address, blend and smooth through a relationship.  Why?
When a woman tries to build a relationship with a man by talking about her personal life and problems, the man doesn’t understand she is doing relationship building. When a man hears a woman talking about her problems he thinks it is a request for help. So instinctually the man responds with solutions to the woman’s problems because that is a man’s job: to fix things!

However, this just frustrates the woman because she feels he is trying to diminish her problem or cut her off. The woman doesn’t see a relationship developing with this guy who can’t even hear or understand her. Men don’t understand how women build relationships with daily trivia. And women don’t understand how men build status by fixing things. Women don’t want to be fixed. They want to form a close relationship by being heard and understood.

3.Know What They Really Want
Men must court women to find a mate.  If a man does his courting well, he may be able to get his desired woman into a relationship that satisfies her deep needs. She makes the final decision to let him in, or not, to her life and bed.

Women look for the best man available. Dating and courting gives a woman the opportunity and time to evaluate the men. The woman normally has the chance to select the best one who will help insure the survival of her and her offspring in the future.

Here is the real evolution secret:
Every woman is looking for the ONE man to satisfy ALL her needs.
Every man is looking for ALL women to satisfy his ONE need.

Women’s DNA programming makes them look for a strong mate who will stick around to protect her and help raise the children.

Men’s ancient DNA strategy for producing the most offspring was to have frequent sex with as many women as possible.

Even though women and men may act and dress in modern acceptable ways, they are all still strongly influenced by their ancient ancestors’ desires. Understanding these today can make for a stronger relationship for both men and women.

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