Assertive Women, Silent Men

I get a lot of calls from women ready to have a relationship and proud of it. At the same time they are dating quiet men who are terrified of intimacy. While opposites can attract, in time it’s imperative that there are enough similarities between partners in order for a relationship to survive. While quiet men may be attracted to assertive women and vice versa, they can easily come to resent the very differences which at first brought them together.The DanceIt’s an old story: the extroverted woman is drawn to the strong and silent man, initiating the relationship. His quiet demeanor allows her more opportunity to verbally express herself, and he enjoys her ability to take charge. Soon enough, though, he begins to resent her gregarious, nature while she becomes frustrated with his quiet “mousy” one.The FactsThe very qualities which make up these different personalities eventually cause complications within the relationship, not the least of which is good communication. An assertive woman tends to have higher self-esteem, and greater competence and behavioral traits which have a more positive effect in the countless social environments which rule our daily lives. In opposition, the introverted male tends to be shy, potentially neurotic and can carry anger and self-hatred issues from pent-up emotions which he never allows himself to release. These very diverse people have different ways of communicating which can create barriers when discussing everyday minor to major, issues. While he may feel like she should ‘be quiet for once,’ she may wish he would just “spit it out for once.”Relationships are hard. To say they aren’t is a lie, but the best things in life are the ones we have to work at constantly, and still enjoy.The SexWhile that take-charge attitude can be useful between these unlikely partners, their eventual resentment can spill over into the bedroom. A more conservative, traditional man, may easily be dissatisfied and turned off by her over-aggressiveness. In the bedroom, most men need to feel like the aggressor, at least occasionally. If his partner won’t give an inch, a less assertive male may feel emasculated a real relationship killer for either partner. From the assertive woman’s point of view, his shyness can translate into inhibited sexual behavior, which can easily frustrate her and lower her opinion of him as a sexual lover.All relationships take work, but clearly there are certain combinations that work better than others! In this love match, perhaps it is better to concede to that popular notion “like two ships passing in the night” and steer clear of this mismatched union. Of course, remember that it may be time for some inner contemplation: People we attract into our life are reflections of who we are, therefore become first what it is you want to attract.