Acceptance Sucks

bay area psychicWhile I intellectually understood my waking up, I ran from embracing it. Even in working as a psychic my idea of embracing it was quite different than really accepting it. I now began my two year journey of fooling myself, or Rationalization 101. I walked one baby step at a time into the world I live in now. Frankly, in retrospect, I came into this world I live in now kicking and screaming.It was not pretty. In hindsight I can I see how difficult I made it for myself. I generated a great deal of personal suffering by wanting to drive this my own way. I wanted it spread on my table in a manner in which I wanted it to look, feel and be presented.I wanted to use my logic to understand a spiritual path and drive it like I was building a business. I went down this transformational path kicking and screaming, literally and figuratively. Again it took me two years to “let go” of my control issues and allow myself to learn that spirit drives and guides me and my logic just fills in the details.In the spring of 2012 I had another traumatic emotional event. The loss of a cherished person in my life knocked me off my feet.  It was unexpected and an extraordinarily painful loss that hit me hard. The shocking burst of emotions were, once again, a catalyst from spirit to move past what I had been resisting. In picking myself up from this event, I began working as The Sane Psychic. I published a website and put my picture on the back pages. I used my real name for the first time. I walked into a local metaphysical bookstore and applied as a reader. They brought me on to read the third Sunday of every month as I went and sat in the store and did face-to-face readings. I applied on one of the major psychic reading sites and got on board with them within 3 weeks – rather unprecedented since their filters, interviews and background checks take up to four months.  Spirit was at work, here.I was beginning to embrace my psychic work but I still prayed daily that no one I knew would call me online or stop by the store. I had two websites: one for my psychic work and one for my professional consulting business. I had two social media identities. I had two sets of business cards. I lived in fear of being discovered and “outed.” I even grayed the energy around my psychic work so it could not be found by my business clients or anyone I was afraid would marginalize me.In doing this I spent a lot of time and energy convincing myself this duality was working. I was slowly exhausting myself. Spirit was talking to me in so many ways that this was not the way to go however, I didn’t see it. I grayed my perception, too, and did not hear a thing they said to me. When I did, I translated it in my way which was the more convoluted path to enlightenment.It took me two years to learn:  it can be easier, if we just let it in rather than box it in the ears! How are you listening?