Starting Over

What do you do when a part of your life falls apart?

Worse yet, what do you do when parts of it, or even all of it, goes sideways at once? A career stops, a marriage ends, finances collapse, or lifelong dream explodes. How do you pick up the pieces and begin again?

First, believe you can recover and come back stronger. Even if you have no clue what the tiniest first step would be, carry a belief and harbor a desire that there is a recovery. Second, it may not be easy, but it won’t be impossible. It does take focus and a plan. In fact, if you were to Distinguish myth from reality, Observe it, Own it, and Release it, you’d walk through the DOOR of recovery make starting over a huge win for yourself and your life.

Walking Through Your DOOR

There are four steps in walking through your DOOR of transformation after a personal catastrophe.

1. Distinguish Myth from Reality

Myths abound about how to recover from a catastrophe. Knowing what they are and their pitfalls help you avoid them. The top three myths to dispel are:

Myth #1: do something quick

Making a quick decision when you clearly are emotionally imbalanced can create more chaos and headaches for you to solve. Patience is a virtue after a collapse.

Myth #2: do what you know and is familiar

No. This what got you here in the first place. It’s a good time to stay calm, breathe deeply as much as possible (this has been proven to release anti-anxiety hormones) and be okay in the uncertainty of the moment. Reassure yourself you are okay without knowing all the answers.

Myth#3: it’s impossible to repeat the same mistake twice

Wrong. It’s easier than you think to go on autopilot, called habits. Be of heightened awareness to slowly think through every move you make. You will need to craft a step-by-step-plan to follow to avoid repeating mistakes.

2. Observe It

By trying to observe your thoughts, with a bit of detachment, you will develop calmness, inner peace and silence, and the ability to look inside, beneath your thoughts and the ego-personality. This sometimes leads to awareness and knowledge of the real self, the Spirit. It is this calmness and Spirit that will get you through the challenges you face. This is not about wallowing in what happened. This is about viewing the events with wisdom.Concentration exercises and meditation can also lead to the same experience. They too, calm down the mind, which is always busy with thoughts, and lift the veil of destructive thoughts hiding the consciousness within, the real self.

3. Own It

The best bet for a successful future is to own your share of the past.  You can’t blame your way into a better future. Blame enables you to smuggle your issues into your future. Blame sets you up for a repeat performance. Purity of intentions and a nurturing heart brings clarity of thought. If you want to take all of yourself into the future as you start over, you’ve got to come out of hiding. It’s painful. It’s shameful, but it’s also beneficial. Besides, admitting what occurred helps set other people free as well. Own it so it won’t own you.

4. Release It

Realize we all have mistakes in our pasts: financial, professional, academic, relational. Once you’ve taken ownership of your part of a mistake, what do you do with the part owned by others? How do you get past the stuff other people have contributed to turning your life upside down?The final step is not in forgiveness, but in a healthy acceptance of what has happened. This is called healing, and it could take time. It doesn’t matter what happened anymore, but that you can view your journey over time, and see the cleverly disguised gift of transformation that starting over was for you, and the courage you had to walk through your DOOR of transformation.