1 Thing Men Want Most

What’s the One Thing Men Want Most in a Relationship?

Hint: the world’s most in-depth study says it comes down to just one thing

There have been volumes of studies on relationships. Enough have been published to fill the towers in Manhattan. What women want is legend, what men want is water-cooler talk at the office. The latest, comprehensive, (ne, massive study), suggests it all comes down to just one thing: kindness.

First, the study: published in the “Journal of Research in Personality” the Michigan State University work is over 20 years, and 2,500 married couples. It seems across the board, men want a nice person in their lives rather than someone compatible. “Are they agreeable and stable,” is a more important attribute than any other one for a long-term relationship. My clients tell me the same thing.

“I just want someone to listen to me. I want them to take the time to pay attention when I have something to say. And, if they don’t have time, then tell me we can talk later. I want to do the same for them, too.”
– Jason, Ft. Worth, TX

Yes, initial attractiveness between to people, symmetrical facial recognition of the 2-3 mean, is important when meeting someone. After all, we are still human beings. While factors like attractiveness and athleticism are initially alluring, long-term relationships mandate a deeper character. As men contemplate the most desirable things they would like in a long-term partner, such as attractiveness, intelligence, a sense of humor, or glib conversationalist, hands down kindness wins the day.

A whopping 70% of men rated kindness as the most important factor in finding a long-term partner, even trumping expected winners like sexual attraction, emotional connection, and moral values. Studies have indicated that looks matter more in the first seven years of a relationship than in later years. Paying attention to one’s physical appearance may ensure that a relationship gets off to a good start, but manifesting a kind persona will guarantee it remains there.

Although there may be a lot of spite and ill intentions lingering in the sphere of online dating, it comes as a comfort for me to see that men still champion intrinsic beauty over external qualities. So, if you’re single and searching for the secret to snagging a longstanding companion, stop obsessing over the mirror and start reflecting acts of kindness instead—it’s statistically recommended!